Brief encounter with grief

So I grew up and went to college and all. In college I read Ayn Rand's book and all. After college I prepared for CAT seeking admission to IIMs. The best part about preparing for CAT was that sometimes you come across highly condensed texts of last few century's western philosophers, the likes of Aristotle, Immanuel Kant,  Schopenhauer, Friedrich Nietzsche. You read a small passage and when you return home after giving an All India Mock test, you would want to read more. I really liked  Schopenhauer. If you have read a bit about him, you would know why I liked him.

Anyways I wasn't much successful in CAT and I am glad I didn't go to an IIM wasting tax payer's money, like I thought I did in IT-BHU, and inflicting further misery upon myself. When I read philosophy I admired thoughts, discussed it with intellectuals. For example, we sometimes wrongly presuming effects as cause in the phenomenon of causality. But not many thoughts sticks. After CAT was over, the book about philosophy was buried in one corner of my Almirah.


Struk by grief

In my journey of life, I have met loss. I guess in times when we are stuck by grief  we start questioning "What did I do wrong? Why me? What is true meaning of life? What is my purpose in life?" Anyway I lost my appetite and my desire to watch movies, listen to music. I couldn't find peace anywhere and my response to loss was alcohol and cigarette. Subduing my senses, escaping from reality even though for a very short while.

Then in my search for peace and calmness, I stumbled upon "Bhagwad Geeta". I gave my egoist atheist a break and I prepared myself to at least make the effort to understand the doctrine. I said to myself "It is after all the moral book of law for Hindu, it will definitely have some words of wisdom"

It turned out to be an excellent choice. Here is what I learned and I still remember. (Kindly forgive me if my words are not exact)

• Geeta is the moral code of life: "a code given by the God Krishna himself to be followed by the humans"
• That there are five constants in life: "birth, youth, old age, disease and death".
• "The body dies and the soul remains. Just like a person would cast off his old clothing and wear new ones, similarly a soul will take up a new body after death".

"So regret not o pal for the loss of your loved one". This helped me in accepting my loss and my grief lessened.

• That there are two ways of reaching liberation: path of action and path of renunciation. Like Arjuna, who was the flawless archer, can only seek liberation through continued effort in a battlefield. So if Arjuna choses to not fight his brethren such as Bhisma Pitamah, relatives who are supporting adharma, he is doing wrong. Likewise, one ought to do one's karma and not shy away
• The other path of higher achievement is the path of renunciation. This is not for everyone and especially for lay folks like me.

So I only read a few chapters and did not bother going into the latter path. One thing however that did bother me was that the translator, some Swami, was highly arrogant and had a sense of attitude. I of course didn't understand any Sanskrit and had bought an English translation of the book. He for sure criticized a lot. For example, he was highly critical of young people who had left home and go to Himalayas in search of liberation only to return back to their homes after a few days. It is actually difficult to be put up with such bickering.


So I read a few chapters are put is aside. Even though it has been my wish to read and fully comprehend the holy book, I haven't reached out to my collection and fetched that book. I guess it is the innate functioning of the subconsciousness that keep us away from the unpleasant. I hope some day I am able to gather much force to overcome the inertia of bearing with Swami's views and opinions.